What a Difference a Year Makes!

July 16, 2012:  We wait anxiously in a large room for a little girl we've never met to come out from behind a curtain.  She's carried out by her caretaker and they call our names.  We don't know what to expect, but she comes to Heather immediately.  She's so tired from the 5+ hour trip to get to Guangzhou that day that she falls asleep in Heather's arms.

July 16, 2013:  It's impossible for us to believe that just a year ago, we met a little child that changed our lives forever.  The transition back home was extremely hard; in fact, it was the most challenging time we've gone through together.  But now, we've adjusted and found our new normal.  We don't even remember what it felt like to only have two children running around.  A year ago we wondered if this docile little girl would ever say anything.  Today, we often wonder when this energetic little girl will tire out!

See this little one's transformation for yourself...

Pics from before we met her:

The first time we met:

The first weeks back home:

Getting used to the "new normal":

And today:

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Helen Joy Songxiang Adolphs, we thank God for bringing you into our family.  We and your siblings could not imagine life without you or all of the joy you bring to the rest of us in this house.  Happy Gotcha Day, little girl.

To Ella & Myles, you are both wonderful siblings.  Thank you for welcoming her into our family with open arms and showing her all of your love in your own little ways.  We thank God just as much for bringing the two of you to us.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Helen!

Little Helen turned two on February 23!  We had a big party with extended family on the 23rd and a friends' party on the 24th.  We don't know what it is, but Helen somehow suddenly "seems two years old" now.  Maybe it's all of her new words (that only we really understand, of course) or the new ways we see her interact every day... or her fits (while still cute in a way) now being full-blown two-year-old-tantrums.  :-)

Anyway, anyone reading this is probably just looking for pictures at this point.  Here's the clan celebrating Helen's big weekend!

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

...or "Gong Xi Fa Cai" if you prefer Mandarin over Cantonese!  We enjoyed celebrating the first day of the Chinese New Year this past Sunday with a special celebration.  Several local families that have adopted from China get together every year at a local restaurant to celebrate, and the Chinese children all wear traditional attire.  Ella was even able to join in by wearing one of the dresses we brought back with us. 

Enjoy the pictures!

 

 

A Week of Milestones

What a week!  We have had so many milestones to celebrate this week.  Yesterday marked six months since we first held Helen in our arms:

Today marks one year since we received our referral from our adoption agency with the first pictures of Helen we ever saw:

Life is going just great right now.  As we mentioned before, we had a really hard time with the adjustment to our "new normal" after returning from China.  However, it now feels like the transitional time is complete and and we're loving our life as a family of five.  Helen is an incredible blessing to all of us, and these pictures speak for themselves:

Three Months Back on American Soil

It’s been just over three months since we returned home from China.  It’s strange that it doesn’t feel like it was that long ago, yet it also feels like Helen has been part of our family much longer!  All of the kids are doing great.  Ella is thriving in Kindergarten and learning so much more than we ever could have imagined.  Myles is potty training, slowly but surely, and getting too smart for his own good.  Helen still thinks the world is her buffet table with everything there for her to grab.  She's adjusted extremely well to a family of strong-willed individuals, showing signs that she may be stronger-willed than some of the rest of us.  :-)

As we noted before, the transition to our “new normal” wasn’t easy by any definition.  A few weeks ago, I (Steve) was asked to share what God has been teaching us about Himself throughout the adoption at a church group.  A better title might be “What he’s reminding us about Himself”, as we tend to forget these lessons and need to learn them over and over again.  We're in many ways still in the midst of a low valley in life, but historically these are the times we've found God to teach us the most.  Read the following from Psalm 23:
~~~~~
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
~~~~~

We constantly need this reminder.  God is with us always, through the good times and the bad.  There are so many truths in this brief passage!  We lack nothing.  He leads us.  He refreshes us.  He guides us.  He comforts us, specifically with his “rod and staff” which is a great word-picture.  A shepherd carries both a rod and a staff to herd the sheep.  The shepherd's rod is a tool to protect and ward off evil.  When there is danger, a shepherd would use the rod as a method of defense.  When a sheep was going astray, it is used as a tool of discipline.  Conversely, the shepherd's staff is a tool of comfort.  A shepherd would use the staff to draw a wandering sheep back into the flock.  We are much like sheep, you and me.  Often times we need to be defended, comforted, and disciplined all at the same time.

So, what has God reminded us about Himself throughout the recent changes to our family?  We could write a novel on this subject but will summarize into four main points:

God Sustains.  He gives us patience.  We had a desire to adopt even before we were married, and 10 years later it’s happened.  We went through a lengthy debt payoff journey leading up to the adoption, wondering if the loans would ever go away.  We waited nine months from our adoption application until we were matched with Helen.  We waited six months from the match until we traveled to China to bring her home.  The first weeks home we experienced utter exhaustion and even feelings of “what have we done”, but we're still here and still breathing!

God Provides.  The math of our financial journey still doesn’t make sense on paper.  We paid off more than $40,000 in debt in just 18 months and were able to fund the adoption and all travel costs without going a penny into debt.  God provides much more valuable gifts, however.  God also provided through His people in ways we’ve never experienced before.  Meals, prayer, or simply stopping one of us to ask how things are going all came during more opportune times than anyone will ever know. 

God Forgives.  To say things were tense throughout the adoption is an understatement.  There was extreme tension on our marriage and our relationship with the kids before the trip, and this became greater once we returned home.  I’m ashamed to admit that I (Steve) even became personally angry at God.  “What are you doing to us?  We followed Your calling to bring this girl into our family and this is how You treat us?!?”  It was as if I expected God to bless me because of something I did.  News flash, it doesn’t work that way.  We've had to say "I'm sorry" to each other and "I'm sorry" to God. 

God Directs.  Above all else, He has a plan.  Oh, does He have a plan!  Looking back over the past 10+ years, it’s impossible to not see God’s hand in all things.  He directed our marriage and knew the children that would join our family before they were even born.  Everything has a purpose and none of us has any idea what the future holds.  This should excite us!  I believe one reason we go through tough times in life such as these is so that we can become a blessing to others.  Our hope is that, someday, our experiences will allow us to comfort others in times of despair.

Author John Lynch spoke at our church this past Sunday and talked about taking off the “mask” we wear when we try to please God instead of trust God.  We all need to remove this facade that everything is "just fine", be real with others, and more importantly first be real with ourselves!  When somebody asks how you're doing, be determined to shout, “Things are not fine!  We’re struggling!  We still lose our patience with each other and the children!  We can’t do it on our own!  Life is not fine!!!!”

So how do we all make it through each day?  We trust God. 

Have all of these struggles been worth it?  Let these pictures speak to that.  We wouldn’t have life any other way.

Yes, We're Still Alive (or, "The New Normal")

Yesterday was the two month anniversary of our Gotcha Day!  Two months since we met this beautiful little one:

We've finally been able to catch our breath long enough to compose some thoughts about this journey so far.  First of all, we'll just say that Helen is doing SO WELL!  We're getting so many glimpses of an extremely joyful and silly little toddler who absolutely loves her older siblings.  She has happily taken her place as the baby in our family.  We have discovered that she is one smart little girl as well. She understood much of what we said to her even before we arrived home from China. And now, seven weeks since we've been home, she can understand almost everything we say to her and even communicates back through several baby signs and even a few words.

Steve and I have agreed to be completely honest with others when they ask us about this journey. If you don't want to hear about the hard parts of it, please stop reading here.  We want to be transparent and not fake, because that doesn't benefit us or anyone else considering adoption.  The best way we can say it is that adoption. is. hard.  It's hard to love someone so much and wait for months with nothing but a picture to dream about. It's hard to leave your other kids for two weeks while you travel across the world to get your baby. It's hard to not immediately bond to this child you've waited so long for. It's hard to get someone to trust you that has already experienced abandonment, neglect, and being handed over to complete strangers in their 16 short months of their life. It's hard (this one is minor, but still stands out distinctly in our minds) to fly 15 hours across the globe already in a sleep-deprived state with a baby that doesn't know you.  It's hard to be patient and loving to your kids when you are dealing with jet lag and one kid is screaming at you for 9 out of 10 hours at night and the other two are testing the limits because you were gone for two weeks and suddenly you're back home and in charge and you brought a screaming, biting baby with you. It's hard to have the conversation for the 30th time in one day when someone asks how it's going and expects you to say, "Oh, it's going beautifully! We love her sooooooooooo much and it has been everything we've dreamed to have her home!"  It's hard to suddenly have a toddler with free range in your 3-level house that grew up in an orphanage that was completely baby-proofed and nothing at all was off-limits.  And to top it all off, it's hard to experience something exactly like post-partum depression after bringing home an adopted child instead of giving birth to her.

With all that said, things have gotten MUCH better. Sleep has gotten better. Helen is really starting to trust us and open up. We got our first babysitter this past weekend and went on our first date since May. We've put Helen in the church nursery twice now and she has done great!  She still does a decent amount of screaming and biting, but we're definitely making progress :)  Sorry it's been so long since we've blogged, but we're just finally feeling like we've found our "new normal." We promise it won't be so long before the next one!