As we noted before, the transition to our “new normal” wasn’t easy by any definition. A few weeks ago, I (Steve) was asked to share what God has been teaching us about Himself throughout the adoption at a church group. A better title might be “What he’s reminding us about Himself”, as we tend to forget these lessons and need to learn them over and over again. We're in many ways still in the midst of a low valley in life, but historically these are the times we've found God to teach us the most. Read the following from Psalm 23:
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The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
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We constantly need this reminder. God is with us always, through the good times and the bad. There are so many truths in this brief passage! We lack nothing. He leads us. He refreshes us. He guides us. He comforts us, specifically with his “rod and staff” which is a great word-picture. A shepherd carries both a rod and a staff to herd the sheep. The shepherd's rod is a tool to protect and ward off evil. When there is danger, a shepherd would use the rod as a method of defense. When a sheep was going astray, it is used as a tool of discipline. Conversely, the shepherd's staff is a tool of comfort. A shepherd would use the staff to draw a wandering sheep back into the flock. We are much like sheep, you and me. Often times we need to be defended, comforted, and disciplined all at the same time.
So, what has God reminded us about Himself throughout the recent changes to our family? We could write a novel on this subject but will summarize into four main points:
God Sustains. He gives us patience. We had a desire to adopt even before we were married, and 10 years later it’s happened. We went through a lengthy debt payoff journey leading up to the adoption, wondering if the loans would ever go away. We waited nine months from our adoption application until we were matched with Helen. We waited six months from the match until we traveled to China to bring her home. The first weeks home we experienced utter exhaustion and even feelings of “what have we done”, but we're still here and still breathing!
God Provides. The math of our financial journey still doesn’t make sense on paper. We paid off more than $40,000 in debt in just 18 months and were able to fund the adoption and all travel costs without going a penny into debt. God provides much more valuable gifts, however. God also provided through His people in ways we’ve never experienced before. Meals, prayer, or simply stopping one of us to ask how things are going all came during more opportune times than anyone will ever know.
God Forgives. To say things were tense throughout the adoption is an understatement. There was extreme tension on our marriage and our relationship with the kids before the trip, and this became greater once we returned home. I’m ashamed to admit that I (Steve) even became personally angry at God. “What are you doing to us? We followed Your calling to bring this girl into our family and this is how You treat us?!?” It was as if I expected God to bless me because of something I did. News flash, it doesn’t work that way. We've had to say "I'm sorry" to each other and "I'm sorry" to God.
God Directs. Above all else, He has a plan. Oh, does He have a plan! Looking back over the past 10+ years, it’s impossible to not see God’s hand in all things. He directed our marriage and knew the children that would join our family before they were even born. Everything has a purpose and none of us has any idea what the future holds. This should excite us! I believe one reason we go through tough times in life such as these is so that we can become a blessing to others. Our hope is that, someday, our experiences will allow us to comfort others in times of despair.
Author John Lynch spoke at our church this past Sunday and talked about taking off the “mask” we wear when we try to please God instead of trust God. We all need to remove this facade that everything is "just fine", be real with others, and more importantly first be real with ourselves! When somebody asks how you're doing, be determined to shout, “Things are not fine! We’re struggling! We still lose our patience with each other and the children! We can’t do it on our own! Life is not fine!!!!”
So how do we all make it through each day? We trust God.
Have all of these struggles been worth it? Let these pictures speak to that. We wouldn’t have life any other way.
